Hand 1:

Seat 1: djezdik11 (2670 in chips)
Seat 2: Foldumnow420 (5335 in chips)
Seat 3: agtcool (6943 in chips)
Seat 4: ubarguy (1575 in chips)
Seat 5: Naked Bet (7830 in chips)
Seat 6: bubbalu1 (4700 in chips)
Seat 7: manncoulter (615 in chips) is sitting out
Seat 9: KenAustinTx (5525 in chips) Dealt to agtcool [Ks Kh]
manncoulter: folds
KenAustinTx: raises 600 to 800
djezdik11: folds
Foldumnow420: folds
agtcool: raises 1200 to 2000
ubarguy: folds
Naked Bet: folds
bubbalu1: folds
KenAustinTx: calls 1200
*** FLOP *** [6s 4h 5h]
KenAustinTx: bets 3525 and is all-in
agtcool: calls 3525
*** TURN *** [6s 4h 5h]
*** RIVER *** [6s 4h 5h Ad]
agtcool said, "re*tard"
*** SHOW DOWN ***
KenAustinTx: shows [Ac 4c] (a full house, Fours full of Aces)
agtcool: shows [Ks Kh] (two pair, Kings and Fours)

Hand 2:

Seat 1: djezdik11 (4445 in chips)
Seat 2: Foldumnow420 (4935 in chips)
Seat 3: agtcool (3736 in chips)
Seat 5: Naked Bet (8030 in chips)
Seat 6: bubbalu1 (4200 in chips)
Seat 7: manncoulter (315 in chips) is sitting out
Seat 8: Laneman29 (7125 in chips)
Seat 9: KenAustinTx (9532 in chips)
Dealt to agtcool [Qd Ah]
bubbalu1: folds
manncoulter: folds
Laneman29: folds
KenAustinTx: raises 800 to 1000
djezdik11: folds
Foldumnow420: folds
agtcool: raises 2736 to 3736 and is all-in
Naked Bet: folds
KenAustinTx: calls 2736
*** FLOP *** [Ks 6c 2h]
*** TURN *** [Ks 6c 2h]
*** RIVER *** [Ks 6c 2h 2d]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
agtcool: shows [Qd Ah] (a pair of Deuces)
KenAustinTx: shows [Kc 9s] (two pair, Kings and Deuces)
KenAustinTx collected 7672 from pot

Stars lulled me into a false sense of security, then flicked that doomswitch so fast my head spun.

[X] Has never hung out with me at my apartment on an average Sunday